Telepathic Judas ~ Abie

Passage for Abbie

When I was about 7 my parents got an Australian Shepherd and we named her Abbie, I always misspelled her name as “abie.” I don’t really remember her being a puppy, but I’ve seen pictures of her when she was and she looks so happy. Abie grew up, as most dogs do and Abie as I remember her was a shaggy dog with long beautiful fur and heterochromia. I remember Abie sleeping on my bed, as I grew older she bothered my allergies terribly and I never got used to her fur. I remember Abie liked to walk into the road and she got sprayed by a skunk twice, she also loved men - she loved my dad’s friends and she loved my dad, but that was around the time my dad was a little mean but I think that was appealing to Abie because as Abie grew older she became more irritable. My parents got divorced when I was 14, I was old enough that I didn’t really care and my sister was young enough that she wouldn’t remember them being married. My dad moved out, which Abie really needed someone like my dad present. We tried to give her to dad, but he didn’t take her, he said she needed a backyard. She became more and more aggressive and she ended up growling at my sister constantly and eventually bit her - that’s when she became an outside dog. My stepdad started coming over with his dog, who was a pitbull, my dad did not like this - which I told him over and over that “I didn’t care.” That is probably the worse argument I ever really got into with my dad, because the pitball was very good to my sister and wasn’t aggressive, and at this time, Abie was older and hated kids and other dogs and eventually tried to maul the pitbull (the pitbull was bigger and stronger than Abie, however the pitbull just lied there and it was very scary). I remember the pitbull bleeding and being scared. I was about 16 when Abie fully became an outside dog and shortly after turning 17, I had my first heartbreak and ended up going to military school. I ended up meeting my first real girlfriend shortly before I turned 18, and within 6 months I moved in with her. I’m not sure why I did this, but I lived on the other side of town and I didn’t see my mom or Abie that much and I felt really guilty. As I lived with my partner, I experienced a couple of sad animal deaths. I remember burying a rabbit her dog killed, I also remember the same dog being feeble with cancer and I remember her being scared and walking into my upstairs room (she never went in there and I genuinely believe she was taking mental notes or taking stock of what the house looked like before she lost the ability to walk). I bring this up because it’s one of the songs on Telepathic Judas, but I didn’t want to sing it without mentioning Abie. I don’t think I’ll ever write a song about Abie, it is too devastating and I feel terrible about not doing enough to help her. She was old and aggressive and we couldn’t find anyone to sell her too. The last time I ever saw her, her hair was long - I remember asking her to jump up on me - I remember her nails were long and slightly dug into my chest. I started crying, I told her I was sorry and that I loved her. I left right after, I was aware that would’ve been the last time I would see her. My mom texted me a week later to tell me she died. I wasn’t there when she was buried. I remember crying in the iHop parking lot with my partner and saying that I could’ve done more. I really wish my dad would’ve taken her, that’s the only way I think Abie would’ve been happy. I’m unsure what she looked like when my mom found her in her doghouse with her little chew toy, but I believe she knew she was tired and simply went to sleep. I think of her in her doghouse knowing something was coming, the sun getting ready to set. I think of her shutting her eyes and only the sound of the wind being present as she drifted off to the next thing. Abie was a good dog, and I know she’s in a better place. I hope she knows how much I loved her, and I’m sorry I wasn’t there for her. She’s still alive if you look closely on Google maps.