Telepathic Judas ~ bac2

Maw Maw

I do not remember my grandma’s voice. She passed away from a heart attack on July 24th, 2020, I’d like to believe she passed away on her porch - the same porch she liked to sit on with my grandpa. My grandma was a beautiful lady who did many things in her life, that I will unfortunately never get to know about. I only ever asked her about growing up a handful of times, and now I can no longer ask her about those things. She (instead of my dad) took my mom to a sonogram during her first pregnancy, this ended up being a traumatic experience for my mom. My grandma was a 911 dispatcher for many many years before she retired, she was amazing at it and ended up having a fall out with some of the people above her in charge which led her to retiring. My family does not look favorably on that dispatch center, however I wanted to be a dispatcher ever since I was 12 - I took the test twice and I did not pass either times. My grandma had saved a boy from drowning in a swimming pool (I remember going to this celebration party) and she was the supervisor during the Ghent Little General Store explosion in 2007. She didn’t talk much about her 911 calls, much like my grandpa doesn’t talk about Vietnam. I only have a handful of memories unfortunately, she was such a prominent person in my life - but I have this guilt about not remembering a lot of information about her, which is why I’m listing these details like an obituary. On July 4th, 2020, I “tried” to an hero - I’ll spare you the details, because it was very inconsiderate of me and I was safe and my an hero attempt was more akin to a nervous breakdown. I’m not too sure what was wrong with me back then. At the time I worked at Subway, which was attached to the little general that ended up being rebuilt after the 2007 explosion. However, my uncle (who owns a plumbing company), asked if I wanted to be an office assistant shortly after my breakdown. This was before I drove, and my grandma ended up driving me there - the last time I saw her I remember her smiling at me. I am grateful that my grandma got to see her grandson work for her son instead of her potentially being at my funeral. In that sense, I think me and her had as good of a goodbye as things could be. My cousin harbors a lot of sadness towards my grandma not being alive to see her graduate, etc. My cousin also saw her hours before she passed away, which is in part a larger more vivid trauma, as my grandma didn’t show any signs of illness. My grandpa and I were never really close, but I shortly moved in with him before I ended up moving in with my partner at the time. I feel guilt towards not seeing him as much as I should, it pains me a lot to see him. My grandparent’s house is essentially frozen in that time, we didn’t clean out their RV until a year ago. I believe my grandma watches over all of the family, I’ve had a couple dreams where I’ve hugged her and cried. When me and my partner broke up I chain smoked and I swear I wasn’t alone (I believe she was there). She also sent a maid costume in the mail to my aunt a week before Halloween that was under my late grandma’s name, the family calls this a “Halloween joke.” A year after she passed, she made a handful of phones calls to the family that went straight to voicemail, there was no voicemail only the missed call notification.

Noli timere